Ranking all F1 drivers by how they would fare at Love Island – GPFans

It’s Love Island season, baby! The show may have slowed down a bit from its heyday, when all you could see on Twitter were tweets about the drama in the village or that montage of England’s penalty shootout against Colombia with The National playing it instead. .. whatever you can watch now, when you don’t have a limited rate. Something about Barbie, probably.

Anyway, Love Island. What if, instead of teams using the summer break to ‘improve their cars’ or other nerdy things like that, they sent all the drivers to an island, a love island? , so to speak, and do what they do on the show? Call it a Drive to Survive bonus series. Wife to survive? Netflix probably has a names person.

If they did, and they absolutely should, this is how it could be. In roughly the order that they would be kicked off the show, we start with…

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max verstappen

Strengths: Successful, not bad looking

Weaknesses: He has absolutely no intention of being on this show.

There are no racing simulators in the villa. There isn’t even a single gaming chair. The only reason to keep a camera on Max is to see how fast he scales a wall and runs away.

Oscar Piastri

Strengths: Happy guy

Weaknesses: he is of child age

I’m sorry Oscar, but you’re about 12 years old. His passport says 22, but that’s 22 in Australian years, which works on a kind of reverse cat year system due to being backwards. You’d still be the baby of the group in normal human years anyway, so you’re leaving early.

spear ride

Strengths: absolutely loaded

Weaknesses: I play less than zero

Watch the last 10 seconds of this clip, and then say, with a straight face, that Lance Stroll would stop by the villa. You can’t. It can’t be done.

Sergio Perez

Strengths: life experience

Weaknesses: Not all of that life experience is good.

In the most respectful way possible, Checo has great divorced-dad energy. That may be something to some of you, and it is valid, and you are valid, but that is absolute Love Island poison. The younger guys will come to him for what turns out to be very, very bad advice.

nico hulkenberg

Strengths: Definitely a man that exists

Weaknesses: There is almost nothing interesting in it.

Like Czech, but German.

Esteban Ocon

Strengths: He is… Virgo?

Weaknesses: he is a virgin

He has a rather piercing gaze, but in the sense of ‘this man suspects I’m the real killer’ rather than ‘wow, he can see into my soul’. Which is not a power up.

sergeant logan

Strengths: Pretty Jawline Haircut You Could Set Your Watch With

Weaknesses: Florida

Logan Sargeant feels like a very nice guy, but no one has seen much of his personality yet and…well, not Florida. You have to ask some search questions.

kevin magnusen

Strengths: Cute Beard

Weaknesses: It doesn’t really fit the aesthetics of the villa.

If this was Love Forest, KMag would probably be a favorite. It’s Love Island though, and all your bearded Danish stuff just isn’t going to work so well. Candidate for severe sunburn.

yuki tsunoda

Strengths: so so nice

Weaknesses: Miniature

A charming young man. A very pretty young man! But like… that permanent smile and the fact that he would fit in your pocket make him an ideal “shoulder to cry on” candidate, not a couples candidate. I’m sorry yuki. One day you will find the future co-owner of the restaurant of your dreams!

Carlos Leclerc

Strengths: youthfully handsome

Weaknesses: accident prone

Everyone’s favorite Monegasque will walk in, be instantly charming and handsome with people, end up hounded by potential matches, and then end up covered in blood because he accidentally headbutted someone in the nose to kiss them. So, a mixed bag.

george russell

Strengths: tall pretty eyes

Weaknesses: Gangly and, like, imagine him waiting for you at the door doing The Pose

Mr. Suave, Mr. T-Pose, Mr. ‘has to be escorted out of the villa after a shouting match when someone makes fun of him for ironing his socks’.

Fernando Alonso

Strengths: handsome in his 40s

Weaknesses: You know, in his 40’s

One thing we know for sure? nando would never head over to the diary room to spill what he’s really thinking about anything. It would all be little sly winks and winks about things that may or may not be happening. taylor who?

Carlos Sainz jr.

Strengths: Elegant!

Weaknesses: void of personality

Try to think of something you know about Carlos Sainz. Was your… dad a rally driver? Apparently he broke up with his partner recently? handsome man but please do something interesting soon for god’s sake.

Note: after the first draft of this, I have been reliably informed that Carlos Sainz ‘is dumb’ and ‘loves breakfast’, so make of that what you will.

zhou guanyu

Strengths: Fantastic sense of fashion.

Weaknesses: It’s not a very big name

Forget lewis hamilton. Zhou Guanyu is the best dressed man on the F1 grid, and it’s bordering on criminal that this isn’t recognized more. Big smile, super cool demeanor, and left, right, and center attacks. Rising star of the series, without a doubt.

lewis hamilton

Strengths: High standards

Weaknesses: High standards

Speaking of the devil… Lewis is obviously doing well in the village. He’s got the style, he’s got the moves, and he posts enough thirst traps that we know he’s got a great platform, too. The only thing is, anyone who wants to bond with him knows that he has dated a Pussycat Doll and dates Shakira all the time. He’s a bit intimidating, isn’t he?

pierre gasley

Strengths: Looks, languages, pretty cool

Weaknesses: He remains, ultimately, French.

Don’t be afraid to say it! Pierre Gasly is hot! He has fantastic hair, seems like a lot of fun, speaks three languages, and is a good companion to at least one other driver, so you know he’s not entirely unbearable! Just keep it PG-13 when the cameras roll, huh? You know, because of his initials? And the movie rating that means you can’t get too spicy? If you understand.

Lando Norris

Strengths: Hair

Weaknesses: looks about 15

In case anyone in the paddock reads this, or Lando is selfish, I need to know what he uses on his hair to keep it this voluminous and curly all the time. It’s not cool that you can walk out of an engineering marvel at 200mph, take your helmet off and have no helmet hair. I am on my knees begging, for everyone else with glorious curly hair, what is the Lando Norris hair regimen. Please.

Daniel Ricciardo

Strengths: That smile. that damn smile

Weaknesses: a little too hyper

Look at Danny Ric, listen to him. This is a man who will absolutely, unquestionably flirt with every person in the village. The man has levels of rizz (is that the correct use of rizz? It’s a very TikTok word, isn’t it) never before seen on the modern F1 grid. He will charm everyone effortlessly, but it remains to be seen if he has learned to keep his composure when someone chooses him as their second choice.

alex albon

Strengths: High, his name means that he is always at the top of your contact list.

Weaknesses: Too fancy? Also the thing to drive on rips your skin.

You’re not going to get any kind of rational response here, because I, myself, writing this article, blatantly break the fourth wall, and with it the implicit agreement between writer and reader that I will not insert myself into what you. rereading for the second time – I don’t understand. But I can’t deny it. Alex Albon is horny and I don’t know why. Alex Albon is hot and everything he thought about F1 is shattered. Alex Albon is hot and God is dead.

Valtteri Bottas

Strengths: moustache

Weaknesses: ?????

It’s all about attitude, right? Valtteri will win Love Island by relaxing poolside in a baggy vest and shorts, occasionally dipping a stubby and arching an eyebrow in response to the chaotic man-children surrounding him. And everyone will love him for it. Valtteri Bottas is the pinnacle of modern F1 masculinity, and he will leave town tanned and with another partner.

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Raven Asher

Hey there, I'm Raven Asher, a writer and blogger currently studying at McMaster University. My passion lies in arts and culture, and I love exploring and sharing my thoughts on different aspects of this field through my writing. I've been fortunate enough to have my articles featured on several blogs and news websites, which has allowed me to connect with readers from all over the world. Apart from writing, I'm also an avid traveler, and I love experiencing different cultures and learning new things. Join me on my journey as I explore the world and share my insights on everything art and culture!

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